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You might be a kayaker if...

You might be a kayaker if...

1. Your Mom has stopped saying "be careful this weekend".

2. "Waterproof" only means "a little damp" or "might-float".

3. Your friends or relatives are shocked when you answer the phone at home on a weekend.

4. Houseguests ask where you got the wooden paddle from.

5. You can't drive over a bridge without looking for water under it.

6. The smell of old polypro doesn't bother you.

7. Driving 800 miles for a weekend on a river or a lake doesn't seem strange to you.

8. Your idea of a complete first aid kit is a roll of duct tape.

9. You use a river trip to wash sand and seaweed from your boat.

10. You choose a new car based on whether or not your rack system will fit it.

11. A dress shirt and tie no longer bother you, because they're looser than a drysuit neck gasket.

12. The sight of a person in a tight rubber suit doesn't seem kinky.

13. You have ever gotten frostbitten and sunburned on the same day.

14. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

15. You're all dressed up and don't notice that you're being rained on.

16. Every once in a while you touch your paddle, just to touch it.

17. You've never set up a tent when it's light out.

18. You have friends that you don't recognize without their PFD, paddling jacket, and spray skirt.

19. Your dog loves to roll in your pile of paddling clothes.

20. You can ID make and model on a car topped kayak at a quarter mile.

21. All career, personal and financial decisions are judged by the criteria of, "How will this increase my paddling time?"

22. You build a two-car garage addition and you still can't park your car inside.

23. You find yourself humming Weather Channel tunes.

24. You change oil in the campground in the evening because you haven't had a weekend home in so long and you can't afford to pay to have it done.

25. You've lost count of the number of boats you have in your garage or back yard.

26. You've gone boating in conditions where you normally wouldn't go outside.

27. You've toyed with the idea of just leaving your boat and gear loaded on your vehicle. (youve toyed with the idea?!?!?)

28. When you hear about a guy in a skirt you think nothing of it.

29. You divide your life into workdays and kayaking days.

30. You're talking paddling to non-paddlers and not realizing when they've glazed over with boredom or left the room.

31. All your rendezvous and evenings out on the town start/end by meeting with your friends at the river.

32. You start thinking seriously about building a paddle pool in your backyard.

33. After a car wreck, the first thing you check for is damage to your boat.

34. You have a huge plastic storage tub that rides in the back seat to hold your wet clothes.

35. You "pour over" streamflow readings the way a stockbroker scans the markets everyday.

36. You practically salivate at the sound of rainfall.

37. There's no room on your speed-dial for anything but gauge readings and the numbers of people with nicknames like Psycho.

38. "Small craft advisories" make you praise the Ocean gods.

39. Window shade means more than keeping the sun out.

40. Pearl means more than a gem in a shell.

41. You co-workers (and non-boating friends, family and your spouse) will not ride in your vehicle between March and October because of the ode de polypro.

42. The sight of a waterfall gives you the uncontrollable urge to urinate in a nearby bush- while you search out the line...

43. You call your buddies in order of shuttle ability

44. Your boat is worth more than your car

45. Even in the dead of winter, you never actually lose the PFD tan lines...

46. You already have several kayaks and are trying to convince your spouse that you really need another one.

47. You build your new house as close as possible to the flood plain.

48. You always have sinus congestion on monday morning..

49. The only thing you worry about when getting naked just about *anywhere* is whether or not you'll get a ticket!

50. You ask the clerk at Eaton's how well these dress shoes hold up to immersion.

51. You measure major purchases relative to the cost of a new boat...('Hmmm, that new computer will cost me about 2 1/2 kayak units')

52. You're the one with the Bright Sunny Smile on the Cold Rainy Day.

53. Every once in a while you let go of your paddle, just to eat something.

54. You have no trouble saying "Rotomolded Crosslink Polyethelyne" ten times fast.

55. You have a bathing suit that's wet from March to October.

56. You start driving around with your PFD and helmet on because you have noticed that other drivers tend to give you the right of way.

57. You've tied up your mate using either a taught-line or trucker's hitch.

58. You can't look at water in a gutter without imagining tiny runs and miniature waves and holes.

59. "Wet, sticky hole" and "blowing a ferry" in casual conversation don't give you pause..

60. You freely discuss how much you and others weigh, and don't feel self-conscious about it (or about asking others how much they weigh).

61. Your only considerations when buying a car are ground clearance, and the size of the rain gutters.

62. You feel all mushy inside when your wife gives you a drytop for Christmas.

63. You visit Niagara Falls and think "This may be runnable."

64. You deliberately watch the whole commercial just to see the kayak on the car...

65. You maneuvre your car on five-lane streets by eddying out behind trucks and making S-moves in the left turn lane. And you lean into the turns.

66. If you live in a town with a river running through it, you give street directions with descriptions like "upstream of the ..." or "two blocks down on river left ..."

67. It takes longer and longer to get your "land legs" back. Solid ground "feels funny"

68. You keep moving the car seat forward, so you can bend your knees and feel good and wedged in for pulling maneuvers on the freeway.

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